People ask me, “How can I assist my dog in obtaining and enjoying the same level of spiritual enlightenment and groovy, chic inner joy that I and my fancy-shmancy friends experience every day in the moments of our lives?”
My answer is always the same: “Are you nuts?”
To which they invariably reply, “Yes, I am. But if I were not nuts, what would your answer be?”
My answer would be, “Gift (used as a verb) them with a copy of Arffirmations: Meditations for Your Dog. In its pages they, and their dog, will find a series of calming, centering, bliss-enhancing positive messages which, when read by the dog to him- or herself, or when read to the animal by a caring owner, will bring peace and joy to even the most depressed hound or fidgety, yappy whatever-it-is mutt.”
One glance at this actual book will convince you that surely this is so. Thus, for example, under the heading “I Am Perfect Even if I Did Eat That Muffin Somebody Dropped Near the Dumpster,” we read the following:
I am an omnivore. Nothing edible is alien to me, although I do not care for raw garlic, green peppers, or, of course, lemons. But the ice cream that has fallen onto the sidewalk, the Cheerios some toddler has spilled along the way, the French fries cast upon a parking lot—most of which maybe a car has run over—all are fit sustenance for me. I desire to consume everything not nailed down because I am free and my appetite is as large as the universe.
Need it be said that such a book is indispensable for all dog owners, all dogs, and all other humans on Earth? No, it need not.