Let’s face it: American Jews today are too assimilated, too cool, too hep, too hot ‘n’ happening, too American. They don’t look like Jews, and they don’t feel like Jews. They just look and feel like a bunch of guys.
Why? Because they’ve lost touch with Old Ways.
What do we mean by “the Old Ways”? See? The very fact that you have to ask shows how much you’ve succumbed to the New Ways. So here’s what we mean: by “the Old Ways,” we mean the Ways (which are Old) of Jews as they were in the Old Days, i.e., in the Late Bronze Age (1550-1200 BCE). Oh, and also in around 1956.
Those were the Days, my friend—the Days when everyone knew how and when to stone your drunken, gluttonous son to death, and how to tell if your wife has been unfaithful by having her drink water mixed with dust from the synagogue floor, and how to prepare and serve dinner for sixty when you’re expecting seven guests (two of whom are children), and then be offended when there are leftovers.
Those traditions, skills, and practices, and many more, have been gathered in The Big Jewish Book for Jews. Buy it for yourself. Buy it for your children. Buy it for that smarty-pants rabbi who thinks she’s so enlightened. Buy it, read it, and re-acquaint yourself with the traditions of our long-suffering Biblical ancestors and our overbearing, neurotic grandmothers. Because, what, you’re too modern? Please.