A Slice of Koch

(to OWS w/ apols to S.S.)

This is shorter than the original.  Some spoken exchanges have been cut.

Patti Lupone and George Hearn sing it here.

Original lyrics here.


MRS. LOVETT: Thousands in the street…


LOVETT: Not to be a witch…

People have to eat

Who they can…what they can…


Let me make a pitch:

Scumbags wasting space…

See the super-rich

Gloating in our face

Nice to make a switch

Scratch that itch

Payback is a bitch.


Thousands in the street…

I mean

When a pizza pie

Needs a topping

You go shopping

For a topping…


TODD: Hah!


LOVETT: Penny’s dropping–

Take for instance when you get a Pizza Hut pie

Ev’rything you order

From the pepperoni to the cheese

Tastes like it was shipped

From some remote location overseas.

Sourcing locally can go without a glitch–




TODD: Mrs. Lovett, aren’t you a genius


LOVETT: Of course there is a hitch


TODD: Nicely ecological

A locavore’s wet dream!


LOVETT: It’s a concept…


TODD: Mrs. Lovett, why you aren’t

A pundit on tv I’ll never know.

It’s so sensible

And defensible.


LOVETT: Can you dig it?

All these one-percent-ers’ll

Be going to and fro

While the

Crowd needs




TODD: Good point!

Worth Tweets!

The Occupiers of parks and streets


LOVETT: Right, Mr. Todd

Yes, Mr. Todd

What do they need?


TODD: More ready sources of proteins and meats


LOVETT: And, Mr. Todd

Less, Mr. Todd

Sources of greed.


TODD: The one is solved by the other, and


BOTH: A perfect case of supply and demand.


TODD:  (spoken) These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for.
LOVETT:  (spoken) Here we are, now!  All ready to put on your medium or large.


TODD:  (spoken) What is that?

LOVETT:  It’s Koch

Have a slice of Koch


TODD: Do you have ‘em both?


LOVETT: Yes, these pigs need a poke.

Though the meat is white

‘Cause no blood plays a part

Neither has a heart.


TODD: Looks at little rich.

Can’t tell which is which.

Haven’t you got Trump or some chump like Gingrich?


LOVETT: No, you see you order some Trump and

He’s nothing but rump and

A joke.

Try the Koch.


TODD:  (spoken) Not bad.  Looks like it’s cultured with something.


LOVETT:  (spoken) Cultured?  Culturally it’s downright philanthropic.  Noblesse oblige, don’t ye know.  That’s French for “wants to be able to go to the ballet.”


Bankers need a shout.


TODD: If you bail ‘em out.


LOVETT:  Serve ‘em with some extra bolognas

‘Cause without their bonus

They pout.


TODD:  Looks a little gray.

Are they B of A?


LOVETT:  Yes, but with some fresh mozzarel’

They can hide pretty well their decay.

So they like to say.

Though they do their best to drive people away.


TODD:  Was that Pandit

Parmagian’d it?


LOVETT:  Don’t be cranky

Say thankee

That banker’s Bernanke.


TODD:  That’s Dimon

On the pie, mon.


LOVETT:  No, Bernanke–

The Fed meets today.


TODD:  When Congress calls them to testify


LOVETT:  Roast ‘em on a stick

Simmer in a red sauce to thicken.


TODD:  Each half-baked question brings half-baked reply.


LOVETT:  Raw, they make you sick.

Cook ‘em on a pie, tastes like chicken.


TODD:  How nice, receiving for what we’ve ached


BOTH:  To see these meatheads at last fully baked.


LOVETT:  (spoken) Now what’s this…ooh, we’ve got a fresh shipment of Republicans, too!  Perhaps you fancy…Santorum?


TODD:  Abhor ‘im.


LOVETT:  Perry?


TODD:  Too hairy.


LOVETT:  Paul?


TODD:  Not at all.


LOVETT:  Bachmann?


(sung) Romney’s worth a try


TODD:  Pleasing to the eye


LOVETT:  Still you just can’t plan

What will come on an-

Y Mitt-lover’s pie.

Then again there’s Newt

Maybe with prosciutt’.


TODD:  Serve him with a clam—


LOVETT:  Or with ham


TODD:   No, he’s Spam

En croute.

Thinks he feeds the brain.

All it brings is pain.

Haven’t we got Huntsman or Palin or Cain?


LOVETT:  Yes, but with the GOP choices

You just get invoices–and broke.

Stick to Koch.


TODD:  With jobless stats in the skies, my love


LOVETT:  Yes, Mr. Todd

Ooh, Mr. Todd

Isn’t that so?


TODD:  There’s work delivering pies, my love.


LOVETT:  And, Mr. Todd

Too, Mr. Todd

Working the dough.


TODD:  Be paid to cook those who wrecked our land


BOTH:  Get thumb’s-up from the invisible hand.


LOVETT:  (spoken) So, we’ve got banks and Republicans.  But sometimes you really want to splurge…Voila!  E buon appetito.


TODD:  (spoken) What is that?


LOVETT:  No cracks.

This is Goldman Sachs.

And to top your pizza bianco

Here’s Blankfein—


TODD:  That’s rank.




Take a taste of these


TODD:  Well, it looks a lot like escargot.


LOVETT:  That’s right, plus Wells-Fargo

And peas.

Serve it Milanese.


TODD:  Covered by a meltdown of lending and cheese.


LOVETT:  Here’s the Greenspan

In the saucepan.


TODD:  Yes, objectively speaking

It’s rotten and reeking


LOVETT:  And Paulson.

With them all, son,

Cook well, for they carry disease.


TODD:  Just add them to your fare

For classy class warfare.

The Occupiers and those they fight


LOVETT:  All have their nerve, my love.


TODD:  Need new ideas to serve them both right.


LOVETT:  That they deserve, my love.


TODD:  We’ll put the “pie” into occupy

And turn the upper crust

And the Yupper crust


BOTH:  Into supper crust

To die!





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2 Responses to A Slice of Koch

  1. EFrenzy

    Splendid, absolutely splendid! Although I kept hearing it with Len Cariou and Angela Lansbury – somehow their voices seemed to fit this great version a bit better to me.

    • I saw Lansbury and Hearn on B’way when a friend was in it, and loved it. But I prefer Lupone–she’s sexier and less cartoon-daffy. Thank you! (Send
      the link to friends. It took four days of obsessing and I’d love people who understand what it’s all about to see it. E.W.)

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