A Slice of Koch

(to OWS w/ apols to S.S.)

This is shorter than the original.  Some spoken exchanges have been cut.

Patti Lupone and George Hearn sing it here.

Original lyrics here.

 

MRS. LOVETT: Thousands in the street…

SWEENEY TODD: And?

LOVETT: Not to be a witch…

People have to eat

Who they can…what they can…

Who!

Let me make a pitch:

Scumbags wasting space…

See the super-rich

Gloating in our face

Nice to make a switch

Scratch that itch

Payback is a bitch.

No..?

Thousands in the street…

I mean

When a pizza pie

Needs a topping

You go shopping

For a topping…

 

TODD: Hah!

 

LOVETT: Penny’s dropping–

Take for instance when you get a Pizza Hut pie

Ev’rything you order

From the pepperoni to the cheese

Tastes like it was shipped

From some remote location overseas.

Sourcing locally can go without a glitch–

 

(Simultaneously)

 

TODD: Mrs. Lovett, aren’t you a genius

 

LOVETT: Of course there is a hitch

 

TODD: Nicely ecological

A locavore’s wet dream!

 

LOVETT: It’s a concept…

 

TODD: Mrs. Lovett, why you aren’t

A pundit on tv I’ll never know.

It’s so sensible

And defensible.

 

LOVETT: Can you dig it?

All these one-percent-ers’ll

Be going to and fro

While the

Crowd needs

Pizza

Pies!

 

TODD: Good point!

Worth Tweets!

The Occupiers of parks and streets

 

LOVETT: Right, Mr. Todd

Yes, Mr. Todd

What do they need?

 

TODD: More ready sources of proteins and meats

 

LOVETT: And, Mr. Todd

Less, Mr. Todd

Sources of greed.

 

TODD: The one is solved by the other, and

 

BOTH: A perfect case of supply and demand.

 

TODD:  (spoken) These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for.
LOVETT:  (spoken) Here we are, now!  All ready to put on your medium or large.

 

TODD:  (spoken) What is that?

LOVETT:  It’s Koch

Have a slice of Koch

 

TODD: Do you have ‘em both?

 

LOVETT: Yes, these pigs need a poke.

Though the meat is white

‘Cause no blood plays a part

Neither has a heart.

 

TODD: Looks at little rich.

Can’t tell which is which.

Haven’t you got Trump or some chump like Gingrich?

 

LOVETT: No, you see you order some Trump and

He’s nothing but rump and

A joke.

Try the Koch.

 

TODD:  (spoken) Not bad.  Looks like it’s cultured with something.

 

LOVETT:  (spoken) Cultured?  Culturally it’s downright philanthropic.  Noblesse oblige, don’t ye know.  That’s French for “wants to be able to go to the ballet.”

 

Bankers need a shout.

 

TODD: If you bail ‘em out.

 

LOVETT:  Serve ‘em with some extra bolognas

‘Cause without their bonus

They pout.

 

TODD:  Looks a little gray.

Are they B of A?

 

LOVETT:  Yes, but with some fresh mozzarel’

They can hide pretty well their decay.

So they like to say.

Though they do their best to drive people away.

 

TODD:  Was that Pandit

Parmagian’d it?

 

LOVETT:  Don’t be cranky

Say thankee

That banker’s Bernanke.

 

TODD:  That’s Dimon

On the pie, mon.

 

LOVETT:  No, Bernanke–

The Fed meets today.

 

TODD:  When Congress calls them to testify

 

LOVETT:  Roast ‘em on a stick

Simmer in a red sauce to thicken.

 

TODD:  Each half-baked question brings half-baked reply.

 

LOVETT:  Raw, they make you sick.

Cook ‘em on a pie, tastes like chicken.

 

TODD:  How nice, receiving for what we’ve ached

 

BOTH:  To see these meatheads at last fully baked.

 

LOVETT:  (spoken) Now what’s this…ooh, we’ve got a fresh shipment of Republicans, too!  Perhaps you fancy…Santorum?

 

TODD:  Abhor ‘im.

 

LOVETT:  Perry?

 

TODD:  Too hairy.

 

LOVETT:  Paul?

 

TODD:  Not at all.

 

LOVETT:  Bachmann?

 

(sung) Romney’s worth a try

 

TODD:  Pleasing to the eye

 

LOVETT:  Still you just can’t plan

What will come on an-

Y Mitt-lover’s pie.

Then again there’s Newt

Maybe with prosciutt’.

 

TODD:  Serve him with a clam—

 

LOVETT:  Or with ham

 

TODD:   No, he’s Spam

En croute.

Thinks he feeds the brain.

All it brings is pain.

Haven’t we got Huntsman or Palin or Cain?

 

LOVETT:  Yes, but with the GOP choices

You just get invoices–and broke.

Stick to Koch.

 

TODD:  With jobless stats in the skies, my love

 

LOVETT:  Yes, Mr. Todd

Ooh, Mr. Todd

Isn’t that so?

 

TODD:  There’s work delivering pies, my love.

 

LOVETT:  And, Mr. Todd

Too, Mr. Todd

Working the dough.

 

TODD:  Be paid to cook those who wrecked our land

 

BOTH:  Get thumb’s-up from the invisible hand.

 

LOVETT:  (spoken) So, we’ve got banks and Republicans.  But sometimes you really want to splurge…Voila!  E buon appetito.

 

TODD:  (spoken) What is that?

 

LOVETT:  No cracks.

This is Goldman Sachs.

And to top your pizza bianco

Here’s Blankfein—

 

TODD:  That’s rank.

 

LOVETT:  Oh,

Relax.

Take a taste of these

 

TODD:  Well, it looks a lot like escargot.

 

LOVETT:  That’s right, plus Wells-Fargo

And peas.

Serve it Milanese.

 

TODD:  Covered by a meltdown of lending and cheese.

 

LOVETT:  Here’s the Greenspan

In the saucepan.

 

TODD:  Yes, objectively speaking

It’s rotten and reeking

 

LOVETT:  And Paulson.

With them all, son,

Cook well, for they carry disease.

 

TODD:  Just add them to your fare

For classy class warfare.

The Occupiers and those they fight

 

LOVETT:  All have their nerve, my love.

 

TODD:  Need new ideas to serve them both right.

 

LOVETT:  That they deserve, my love.

 

TODD:  We’ll put the “pie” into occupy

And turn the upper crust

And the Yupper crust

 

BOTH:  Into supper crust

To die!

 

 

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2 Comments

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2 Responses to A Slice of Koch

  1. EFrenzy

    Splendid, absolutely splendid! Although I kept hearing it with Len Cariou and Angela Lansbury – somehow their voices seemed to fit this great version a bit better to me.

    • I saw Lansbury and Hearn on B’way when a friend was in it, and loved it. But I prefer Lupone–she’s sexier and less cartoon-daffy. Thank you! (Send
      the link to friends. It took four days of obsessing and I’d love people who understand what it’s all about to see it. E.W.)

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