Finally, gathered together in one convenient volume, here are the sacred precepts, inviolable principles, and holy obligations pertaining to being a cat.
I LOOK WITHIN
Q: Why do you close your eyes but keep your head up?
A: I close my eyes but keep my head up because sometimes I look within to determine what my needs are.
Q: What are your needs?
A: At the present time my needs include the need to move some of my toys around in an arbitrary manner, the need to torment the dog, and the need to stare enigmatically at a chair.
Q: How do you determine which of these needs should be satisfied?
A: I determine this by looking within and then doing whatever the hell I want.
Can you, and your immortal soul, afford not to possess this volume and commit its contents to memory, and to purchase it as a gift for all of your cat-owning friends? Oh shut up, you can not.