Yummy french toast we would rather kill ourselves than not have.
In our endless quest to create the perfect French toast, we tried everything: Using real toast. Using real toast in France. Combing cookbooks and food blogs for the most highly-rated recipes, and then combining the best of each. Along the way we sampled a metric ton of the egg-saturated breakfast favorite, but something was still missing.
Finally we realized that the only way to make a French toast that we couldn’t stop thinking about was to use the greatest ingredients and utensils and kitchen equipment in the world that we absolutely had to have and were completely insane over.
4 eggs that we’re obsessed with
1/3 cup heavy cream that everybody is talking about
1/2 tsp vanilla extract that will change your life
1/4 tsp sea salt unlike any you’ve had before
1/2 tsp cinnamon we absolutely must have
2-6 Tb butter that takes butter to the next level
6 slices sturdy white or potato bread we can’t get enough of
Freshly-grated Caribbean-sourced nutmeg we dream about
Maple syrup aged in old bourbon casks for a flavor no one can possibly imagine, honey from bees restricted to alfalfa fields for a taste and, even more intriguingly, a color, that has changed the way we think about honey forever, or powdered sugar from a supplier we’re completely crazy about, for topping
1. In a medium bowl that re-defines what a bowl can be, whisk the eggs that we’re obsessed with with a silicon whisk that takes whisks over the top.
2. Add the cream everybody is talking about and mix with a spoon with an extra-soft mouthfeel and field-tested weight that overnight has made all other mixing spoons seem passé.
3. Add the vanilla extract that will change your life, the sea salt unlike any you’ve had before, and the cinnamon we absolutely must have, and mix with the same spoon or an even better one if you can possibly even conceive of such a thing.
4. In a 10 or 12-inch nonstick skillet that’s not your grandmother’s nonstick skillet, melt 2 tablespoons of the butter that takes butter to the next level, over medium heat. When the foam subsides, dip one slice of the bread we can’t get enough of in the egg mixture, then hold it over the bowl to let the excess drain off. Place slice in pan. Repeat with second slice. Repeat with third slice, if there is room in pan without crowding. Otherwise just cook the two, occasionally sliding them around with an offset silicon must-have spatula, to assure uniform browning, for about two minutes.
5. Grate the Caribbean-sourced nutmeg we dream about over the uncooked side with a nutmeg grater that we suddenly realize we can’t live without. Flip slices using the same spatula but holding it using a Kevlar oven mitt that makes weapons-grade cooking equipment affordable, and cook other side, about two minutes.
6. Remove cooked slices to what has overnight become our favorite platter and tent with foil that no one should ever not have. Wipe out pan with a paper towel that we had an orgasm thinking about while standing in line at the checkout counter, and repeat with more butter, two more slices, and more nutmeg.
7. When all slices are done, serve with syrup, honey, or powdered sugar, on the greatest plates of all time, along with knives and forks you didn’t know you were dying to have.
you know who says
just a tad over the top… but, just a tad
(the same tad they’ve been talking about)
Larry Herold says
My stomach hurts from laughing too much to enjoy any French toast. Thanks.
Edward Kazala says
Where can I buy all of the ingredients and utensils? I feel like my life will be incomplete unless I make this dish exactly according to specifications.